May 06, 2020
by Mary Clifford Morrell
For many parents and grandparents, finding ways to cope with caring for children during a pandemic is difficult. Parents are often overwhelmed by too much time with their kids, never really having any time to themselves to recover their energy and balance their own emotional highs and lows.
Grandparents, like me, are relegated to video chats or, my favorite, porch visits where you stand outside the house, smile, wave, and try to chat with family members through a glass door.
Last week my daughter-in-law, who probably needed adult company more than my grandchildren, sat on a bench under the living room window inside her house and spoke to me through a screen while she attempted to eat a now cold lunch. I could hear the noise of the grandchildren in the background as they scrambled for their lunches and picked the occasional battle with a sibling.
When my daughter-in-law got up to investigate why the two-year-old was now screaming a blood curdling “I’m hurt” scream, the nine-year-old took his place at the window, lunch in hand, and started talking like we were out together at the diner.
“I wish this weren’t happening,” he said, looking at me with a homemade mask covering most of my face, and then looking back down at his plate. He talked about the meat shortage he heard about and wondered what that might mean for them.
“Not much for you guys!” I laughed, reminding them of their penchant for frozen waffles, macaroni and cheese, pasta and pizza. “I don’t think you’d have any problem just having meat once or twice a week,” I said.
He smiled and agreed. We talked about our favorite foods, which ones we could happily eat every day and not get tired of, and the fact that we still had all the food we needed, even if we couldn’t always have what we liked the most.
I was grateful for the opportunity for the conversation because this is a child who is prone to worry.
I am also grateful that my son and daughter-in-law work hard at helping all the children maintain some peace of mind.
Those who have already traveled the long road of difficult times often have the best advice, like Nancy, who was born in 1929 and lived through the Great Depression. She said, “This, too, shall pass. Please, please refrain from instilling a sense of insecurity in your children when times are tough. Give them extra love and assurance that you are all secure in God’s love.”
A powerful way to take the focus off our anxiety, no matter our age, is to focus it in prayer. Our prayers are opportunities to leave our burdens with God, to turn to God for strength, for wisdom, and for hope. Praying together with our children helps them learn that prayer is not just for them. If parents turn to God for strength, children are more likely to do the same.
Downplaying the sense of fear that comes through our own conversations and our own behaviors is vital for children. It is helpful to explain the changes we have undertaken – like wearing masks, washing hands, and keeping socially distant – as ways of supporting others, more than out of fear of what might happen to us or our loved ones.
When we share this approach with our children, we can also remind them that when Jesus was asked which of the Commandments was the greatest, he replied, “Love God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind,” and “Love your neighbor as you love yourself” (see Mark 12: 30,31).
During these stressful times, it is good to be reminded that God expects us to take care of ourselves and that self-care is essential to caring for others too.
Mary Morrell is a Catholic journalist, author, and syndicated columnist who has served the dioceses of Metuchen and Trenton, New Jersey, and RENEW International in the areas of catechesis and communication.
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